I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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