after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
