White coat. Heels.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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