I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
