if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
