Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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