Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
