well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
