Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
