I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
