We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
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