i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
