My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
