I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
FUCK WHALES
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
