My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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