remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
