She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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