you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
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he's gonorrhea incarnate
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
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You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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