My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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