He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
They took my balls.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
