What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
