dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
