so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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