is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
