im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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