we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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