Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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