So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
