You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
