My room smells like vodka and shame
even my farts smell like vagina
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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