So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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