1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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