A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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