Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Are my feet made of real feet?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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