i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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