he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
