you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
