I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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