I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
