Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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