take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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