we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
