I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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