He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
