she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
