The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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