More tranny stories later!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
