I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
