Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Green mimosas i think yes
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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