I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
