Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
