Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
