So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
