I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
did i just pee glitter
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
