sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
