this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Couch. On fire.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
