but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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