There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
