i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
