How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
