Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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