I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
