First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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