but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
