Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize